10 Sex Problems Only People with Kids Understand -Remember
when ‘work’ got in the way? Ha. Ha.
10 Sex Problems Only People with Kids Understand -Remember
when ‘work’ got in the way? Ha. Ha.
It's possible that someone somewhere has said that sex after
kids is better, more exciting, and higher quality than the pre-diaper days. But
nobody who is ever procreated can deny the fact that kids can sometimes be
serious little cock blockers.
Here, the 10 issues you've probably encountered while trying
to get busy while surrounded by mini humans.
1. You're telling all the lies. Coming up with fresh,
creative, and somewhat believable ways to answer the question, “WHAT ARE YOU
GUYS DOING UP THERE?” is a constant challenge. "Folding socks!" only
buys you so much time.
2. There's just too much touching. Your child has managed to
grope, tug, and slobber on every inch of your body today, and now someone else
wants to put their paws on you? Ugh, pass.
3. You're faced with ethical dilemmas. You’ve been told your
infant will never remember chilling in a crib five feet away from your orgasm,
but something in those curious, blinking eyes has you freaked out about
long-term emotional damage.
4. There are a serious lack of F's given. The kids are
entertained, you’ve secluded yourselves in the laundry room, and then your
husband discovers a Cheerio cemented to your right boob. You wonder if he
realizes nobody ate Cheerios today.
5. Getting hot and bothered doesn't happen. Telling your
vagina to be aroused at 8:32 p.m. (quick, there’s five minutes before someone
comes knocking about a monster under the bed) is like willing a rainbow to
appear in the sky.
6. You're in parenting mode 24/7. When you're finally ready
to get some, you text your hubs that everyone’s watching a movie. "You go
into the bathroom, I’ll follow in two minutes." And then your plan is
foiled by a cruelly-timed sibling battle with screams.
7. You bribe your kids to sit down and shut it. Certain
diversions (like another bowl of ice cream or episode of SpongeBob) will feel
you leaving guilty—but not that guilty. Which makes you feel even guiltier.
8. That sex toy stash is not safe. Your daughter’s
crying because she wants to play with the secret vibrating back massager she
discovered while rifling through your drawer. She likes that it’s hot pink.
9. Date night details become super important. You and the
hubs inhale dinner to make time for sex before picking up the kids from
grandma's house. Cue the humping indigestion (worth it).
10. You're surrounded by the wrong kinds of toys. There’s
nothing that quite kills the mood mid-thrust like a chirping Fisher-Price
truck.
Comments
Post a Comment